The Crush

Today I happened to see a text that my son sent to himself. My iPad shares the cloud with my kids devices so if I allow it the iPad can see their texts. I don’t check them as much as I used to. My son uses my iPad more than I do so I don’t remember to check much and frankly my kids either have some code I don’t know or they are just good kids bc the texts are fairly nondescript. I’ll see the occasional cuss from a friend or girl drama or dialogues on clothing or makeup ( most texts are from my daughter) but there isn’t too much to see. Today I saw the iPad sitting near my mom chair and I decided to take a quick peak at the iMessage App to see what was up. Well I was confused to see a picture of a pretty girl in a text to my son and it looked like it was from him too. He was in the room with me. Should I ask him? Probably not but I did anyway bc I’m just not one to hold back when I’m super curious. I try but I just start asking questions. I have no control.
Me: is this your picture?
Son: what ?
Me: who is this girl? Do you like her?
Son: yes i do what’s wrong with that?
Me: who is it?
Son names a name that I can’t remember – and apparently she is a popular singer -she can’t be that famous if I’ve never heard of her. I lie -I’m so out if touch with much of the popular music artists. But my son doesn’t like music that much. Which says something bc he plays trumpet. But apparently he likes that singer in the picture.

Me: you texted the picture to yourself? Why?
Son: I wanted her picture. It’s a screen shot. Is there something wrong with that? I like a girl. It’s normal right?
Me: you have a crush on her?
Apparently I was in shock.
Son : your acting weird. What’s wrong with that?
Me to myself: Um it’s wrong bc you never have ever admitted to liking anyone ever and now you are and I’m kind if freaked out. –I didn’t want to be freaked out but I was.
Me: of course it’s normal. You just never told me you liked a girl before. If I asked you always said no. And it’s not like you are going to date her.

Of course he just laughed. Silly mom. Yes silly me.

What was wrong with me? I think I was jealous. I vowed never to be a mom who got jealous when her sons affections weren’t only for their mom. It’s what has to happen -it’s normal. But I felt so sad. There was a picture of a girl and everything. My little boy isn’t little anymore.

Thankfully this is a celebrity crush and not a real girl that I might meet in the flesh. I have time to recover from this odd reaction and learn to be better at hearing the news the next time it happens. The next time it could be a real girl I could meet And i don’t want to make a complete ass of myself. Hopefully I’ll have years to perfect my reactions and even perfect acting like I like her when I don’t. I mean that could happen. I might not like who he likes. But I really hope I do. But if I don’t I’ll fake it. Ok I’ll try and fake it. I just need to get better at my acting. I did awful today. But it was the first time I encountered a girl that my son liked. I know -it was only a picture- how pathetic of me.

I never reacted this way when my daughter began liking boys. I did get after her about posting pics of famous boys on Facebook and Instagram but I even got over that. So has she mostly. She had one boyfriend that lived far away- the best kind- and that lasted maybe a month or so. I felt a different kind of weird with when she began dating. More protective. He was a very nice guy so I never had to fake liking him but we did only meet once. She broke up with him so I didn’t have to hate him for hurting her. Bc no matter how nice he was I would have disliked him immensely if he hurt my child.

I know I’ll be that way with my son but what is it with moms and their boys that make us so weird when they start noticing other woman(girls)? I know I’m not the only mom who got freaked out or who reacted oddly to their sons first crush. I have had conversations confirming this.

I want my sons to fall in love and someday have a families. I know when either of my sons love someone that person will be very special. I want to love them too. I have the best mother-in-law ever. She added me to her family as a daughter she never had. She did that with all her daughters- in-law. I have been blessed and I want to be like her. My reaction today doesn’t bode well for that but I have time to get better at it Hopefully lots of time.

They were just little guys yesterday right? Now they are young men with changing bodies and hormones from hell. It just happens so fast. One day their holding your hand so you can get them across the street safely and the next their off living their own lives-getting crushes on girls even when mom might not quite be ready for it. Ready or not mom – here it comes.

I better get ready ….

Thanks for reading…

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