I took a chance yesterday in posting about my son. I knew I was doing that when I hit the publish button. I can’t say I regret posting about the issues we are having (and it is WE not just him) but it is hard getting flamed on what I wrote. Maybe there is a line in being authentic. Maybe this was best left to a private journal. I don’t know though- and it is too late to take it out of the universe.
What I do know is that by telling this story I had many people contact me. Most were supportive. Many could relate in one way or another having experienced similar issues with a child, friend, or family member. Some had suggestions and pointed to some therapies that might be helpful. Many gave me stories of success.
I found my blog posted on some site I never heard of with people flaming me and calling me a bad mother. I know these people don’t know me as many of you reading this don’t know me- so you don’t really know if I am a bad mother or not. I am honest and I am definitely not perfect. I am flawed and many times i am at a loss for answers. Maybe I am a bad mother- but I love my kids and i want to help them. For the few that flamed me there were many who were supportive. Why do the flames hurt so much? I don’t want to second guess my writing but i suppose any writer will do that from time to time. I have wanted to be open in my writing bc there are so many people who hide behind the fear that putting truth out there makes them a bad human. I am only human and I am not perfect.
My child has issues that is a fact and unless you have lived with the issues it is hard to relate to them. I want to get help for him and for us. I am glad that someone reminded me about attachment disorders and I began looking at that. I am glad someone pointed me to neurofeedback, I am glad that a few moms who have been dealing with serious child issues opened up to me and we made a connection of support, my church is looking into starting a parent support group. The book below was recommended to me and I have purchased it and look forward to reading about it. These are all good things that come out of my sharing something that is very hard to discuss.
I sat down to talk with my son last night. I encouraged him to open up. I explained my feelings and my hopes for him. I have done this many times and I feel that if I keep saying these things maybe some will stick. I told him I wrote about our struggles. I read him some of the post. I think maybe for the first time hearing my words that i wrote down he realized that his dad and i aren’t just pissed off parents we are genuinely frustrated because we are at a loss on how to help him. I think he understood we are hurt and scared. He was not upset at all that I posted this and I told him lots of people want to help. I am not sure he wants help-yet. It is hard for him to talk and be open but he did a little last night. What will change the behaviors? I am not sure but what I do know is that doors were opened yesterday that can help us learn to deal with the issues and to cope better.
It takes a village they say and in creating a village of support I believe that hope is restored. Yesterday I had little hope and was feeling alone and isolated. Today I have renewed hope for my son and our family. Maybe many people would never write such an open blog about their struggles and their sons struggles but for me it felt like something i was supposed to do. It hurts being called a bad mother and crazy and psycho – but I know where my words came from. They are from the heart and the longing to help guide a troubled child to become a caring and capable adult. Maybe that is flawed love – but it is love. Thanks for reading…