“Live Your Truth” has become a mantra to me in the last few years. Maybe not those exact words but something along those lines. I love that quote and I don’t even know who first said it. -but it is something I tell my children over and over. Nobody ever told me that. People didn’t always think in those freeing terms when I was young. There was a path you were told you should take -usually the path told to you by your parents who only wanted the best for you and had a vision of what your life should be -even if it wasn’t what you thought it should be. Things sure have changed since then.
I spent a lot of years trying to please others and often no matter how hard I tried I never quite got it right and somehow I lost more than I gained. I wasn’t really being real. I’ve always been a person on the fringe – never really feeling like I fit in. It wasn’t until I got more real with who I was that I saw that there were others who felt the same and all of a sudden I wasn’t so alone. I married my husband who seems to have no trouble winning over fans and connecting with people only to realize that he often feels on the fringe the same way I do. Perhaps that’s why we connect so well. Both outsiders in our own way- standing at the fringes of groups but never really part of it. Never really connecting. Good friendships mean a lot to us even if we don’t have them in abundance.
Because of this constant search for self and connection I have fallen in love with Caitlyn Jenner. I look at her and I think -damn you look good and I also think damn you are brave. She finally decided to become the person she has been hiding her entire life. Not only did she decide to live her life for herself, she also hopes her stepping out can make a difference to others ESP in the LGBT community – but really if you look at it for what this is this is the story of a person taking charge of their life and deciding to live it as authentically as they can- even though they may be ridiculed and hated by some for being real. That should make a difference to all of us. That to me is brave.
Some critics have said Jenner was forced into this by the Kardashian’s and I even read comments that she is just a narcissist and just needs attention. Really? One would go to this length to gain attention and also be willing to take the hatred all in the name of narcism? I don’t think so. Maybe I’m naive. Or maybe it’s just too hard to some people to wrap their minds around. I get that. I just think how hard it must have been for Bruce to hide this from those he loved for so long. He finally was tired of lying and he was tired of not living as the person he is- a she.
This isn’t a blog asking anyone to accept that Jenner is now a woman. Jenner might be a hero to me because she decided to live her truth but she doesn’t have to be to you. But she is an example of someone willing to step forward and to say here I am -love me or hate me- I’m going to live as myself now bc if I don’t I’ll have never lived a real true life.
Life’s too freaking short to sit around and worry what others think. I still will – I am sure -we all do sometimes- but it’s about being bigger than our fear. I’m going to try to be true to who I am and not let fear of being disliked keep me from being who I am. We all deserve to live life as the person we are- caveat as long as it’s not deliberately hurting others- there are those who might read into this and think living your truth is a free ticket to do unto others as you see fit. That’s not what living your truth means. It’s living your life as authentically as you can so you can have the fullest life you can.
It wasn’t until I married my husband who thinks I’m really great just as I am – and he knows the authentic Anne- that I felt like I was pretty ok. I left some of the old me behind and began to believe I was worthy of love and realized it’s ok to be myself -the real me -and stop trying so hard to be what others might love. Bc my husband chose to love me just as I was – good and bad- I began to see I was someone worth loving and I began to love myself. It is in this state of loving myself more and feeling safe that has made me strive to live a more authentic life.
I have few close friends but the ones I have are very special to me. Some don’t always get me but they love me for who I am. And I love them the same. We don’t always agree but we are ok with that. It has been a journey for me to feel safe being me – and along the way I let go of some toxic friendships, I have had to deal with some family that doesn’t seem to like some of my choices I have made. It is hard sometimes to be a disappointment in my own family’s eyes. Some of my choices (or my husbands and mine) have backfired – but many haven’t and we are happy living the life we live. Isn’t that what we all want? Aren’t we all going to screw up sometimes and don’t we want the people who are the closest to us to just love us through it? Jenner’s slow walk to be herself was mostly because she didn’t want the people she loved to be mad at her or even hate her. But finally she just had to take the leap and hope that most of her people would still love and support her – and she had to be ready for some hate. Stepping off that cliff is when life can really begin.
We are all called upon in this life to love one another. Jesus said that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. So even though we may not always agree with each other or even like each other – we are called to love each other. Love is not a feeling- it is a choice. It is not always easy to choose love and it seems like it is the in thing to show hate and ridicule people for being different. As I go through life I look back and don’t always like the person I have been. In order to fit in I would try to live inside one box or another and in a box it is easy to judge others if they don’t fit into that box. But the honest truth is I never ever fit into any box. To live outside the box is freedom for me. It gives me the opportunity to look at life and people and consider so much more than I could when I was inside the box. I see people better for who they are trying to be. I have more compassion for others and their struggles even if I don’t always understand it all. I realize people are more alike than not bc we all seek love and connection. I think the only way to truly get there is to be authentic and live our truth.
I am on a journey and this life has thrown me for some loops and probably life has done that to you too. I have learned that life goes by too fast and we need to be who we are before we run out of time. It is a bit sad that Caitlyn Jenner waited 65 years to become who she is. I don’t think any of her life before was a waste- look at her accomplishments – but she has said nothing has meant more to her in her life than becoming who she is right now. At last she stepped out and she took her chance to be who she really is. It just goes to show you- it is never too late to really live. I look at her with inspiration and am grateful to her for showing others they can be themselves. You might get hate but you will also get love. Love is more powerful than hate. Hate is just uglier and gets more attention. But love is the truth.
Thank God we live in a time where we are encouraged to be who we are. We just have to have the courage to do it. I’m striving to have the courage to live as the real me. In the last few years I’ve come to feel it’s too darn exhausting trying to please everyone. I will do my best to love you for who you are and I’m going to live my life as authentically as I can and I hope you can love me warts and all -and if not that’s ok too- I still love you.
Thanks for reading…