No way to understand 

It seems we are getting the bad news of mass killings and violence  on a daily basis.  You don’t have to watch the news to get this news. In fact it’s sometimes hard to get away from it. But I am afraid the world will become numb to this violence. The massacre in Nice on the tails of the shootings in Dallas and other areas and today in Baton Rouge ( this happened after I began writing this post) – it’s getting that frequent – it’s mind blowing. How many times can our President get up and speak without sounding redundant?  

Some of these shootings are terrorist in nature some retaliation. I don’t want to become numb to these horrible things. I can’t turn on the TV and let my brain absorb this awfulness without it hurting my heart – So often I turn away and will myself to numb my own mind to save my heart and ultimately my soul. 

I’ve firmly believed that love is stronger than hate and that  hate is loud but love always wins. I imagine if you are one of the family members who lost someone in an act of violence you might not agree. And sometimes I think my feelings are naive. But I don’t want to give up on love. 

I was told love was all that mattered when I sat in the pit of hell after finding out I had cancer. Those words popped into my head like water rushing over me. I’ve always felt like it was God who spoke to me. I got up and faced my cancer  and never forgot those words. I’ve been tested since that day with my own personal issues and then I see what’s going on out there in the world and I wonder sometimes. -Really is love that strong? If love is all that matters why can’t the haters feel it? How can people not get this? But even my own feelings and emotions can vary from one day to the next. I can say love is all that matters but I’m not loving all the time. 

I may be living In Fairyland sometimes when it comes to love but I don’t want to give up on that voice that was so clear -“love is all that matters”   

In the animal world there isn’t hate. There is lots of death. They eat eachother. We eat them. But in an animals world I don’t see hate. I see fear and survival instinct. And I see animals that will defend themselves whether it be from attack or even amongst themselves in a group. But I think their violence is far different than a humans. There existence is much more cut and dry  – we humans muddle things up in this world. 

Humans have been given the ability to reason – we know what is right and wrong. Human hate may differ in its origin- hurt , jealousy , greed, fear but the end result is the same. Why is there so much violence? Why are so many people hurt, angry, scared? Why did our free will and ability to reason create such a chaotic world? Perhaps it’s just part of the human experience. Though I think God knows. 

It just seems that there’s more hate and anger – it’s escalating. 

We have terrorists who have wreaked havoc all over the world – humans who kill and scare other humans into submission. You begin to worry about going out. But you can’t hide – no place is safe – you have live or they win. 

In our own country we have our own upheaval. I don’t know all the answers but I think people should start doing some serious listening to eachother. 

I didn’t tell my kids about Baton Rouge or Nice. They may hear about it on their own -the world is at their call on any device or tv. If they want to talk about it they know they can come to me. But I’m not bringing it up – I just can’t keep talking about these violent acts filled with hate. Because it seems like I would have to be talking about this every week. Is this going to be their lives where these horrific events like that in Nice happen and are just expected? 

Will it be mainstream? 

I just can’t fathom that. 

We have discussed racism a lot since my kids are Asian and we live in a less diverse area they’ve experienced it themselves on a few occasions. 

  We’ve discussed terrorism and how we can’t run scared. But I’m not going to lie – when my daughter wants to go somewhere like a concert I do wonder if she shouldn’t just stay home. But that’s not living life. 

Then I’m reminded that love is out there. It’s in the aftermath of these sad events that we see how loving the human race can be. And that is what I can talk with my kids about. The reality that loves exists and is stronger than hate. That we can do our best to love the best we can. You can never talk too much about love. 

I can’t really understand this air of hate that is trying to permeate our world. But I can try to keep placing my bets on love.  On the days where I almost lose hope in humanity it seems that’s when I see acts of love and human kindness that I try to cling to. 

I can’t let the hate weaken my soul but some days it’s hard.  Very hard.  

I don’t think I’ll ever understand. 

One thought on “No way to understand 

  1. It is becoming overwhelming. I fear that a lot of what’s happening is because we,the US has pushed God out. He has told us all things, just remember how it ends. Stay strong and never lose the love in your heart.

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