I’ve walked thousands of steps on this lane. I walk back and forth. Back and forth. 

If I can will my broken self outside  and then just put one foot forward and start walking something in me shifts. 

I walk in the evening as the day is going to sleep outside.  The birds are roosting. My chickens are getting their last feed in before they head into the coop for the night. Lately its been the first time I’ve been out in the day. 

Sometimes I walk with Kevin and we talk or sometimes my dog Rudy tags along. Sometimes I walk alone and listen to the noises around me.  The cars, the snort of a horse , a bark of a dog , the din of the cicadas. Sometimes I listen to music. Classic rock to take me back to my younger days. Praise music to help my spirit. 

If I can walk on the lane maybe I’m not completely broken. Maybe there is hope. Being in pain has a way of making you think the worst.  I’ve never been as scared as those times I let my mind race off. 

But then there’s the lane and the two twin fawns and their momma. They stare at me and I smile and I try to take their picture with my phone and my heart jumps with excitement as the babies trot away just a bit leery of me. But we had a moment – it’s a heart buzz for sure. 

Gravel crunching under my shoes – I listen to a tune on my phone from my younger days and I am suddenly dancing a little -as much as my body can allow. 

I want the feeling of being so alive to last. But I know the deal. I’ll need a refill tomorrow night. 

And out I’ll go again  Maybe I’ll even dance.