I feel like I slid into 2021 rather quietly. I have never liked the celebrations of New Years Eve. Thats not to say I have never gone out to celebrate. I have…and some story’s are best left in the past! So now I find a quiet NYE to be the best thing for me. Kevin agrees too. Though I think he has more interesting memories of his past New Years celebrations than I do. This year we shared carry-out Chinese food with my mom and had ice cream for dessert. Simple.
This year I found myself awake at midnight- sitting in bed shopping on Amazon. I was aware of my watch creeping over to the new year but I didn’t have any other fanfare than that. We had decided to go to bed early. I fully expected to be asleep at the turn of the clock to midnight. But at 11:59 I was still awake and I watched for my watch to tell me it was midnight. 11:59, then 00:00 – that is what my watch says for midnight. Happy 2021 (I thought with trepidation) and see ya 2020 – you dazzling train wreck of a year.
I had been texting some with my Navy son so I knew he was awake and I texted him a simple “happy new year- miss u” after the clock said midnight – and then I leaned over to lightly kiss my snoring husbands arm (didn’t want to wake him) and I finished my Amazon purchase and I opened my Kindle book- Joan Didion’s “Play It As It Lays”. Which for some reason has been a quick way to slide me into slumber. I can’t rate the book as yet- I just haven’t been able to get into it- snore snore – but I have read the reviews and know it was a movie.
This year’s Christmas was different for us. I really wasn’t feeling in the spirit. It is just too hard with all that has been going on. We didn’t put up a tree. We have a new puppy-Del- who has been hit by Gamma radiation and is growing at and unprecedented rate- no tree would survive him- so that was my excuse for avoiding a tree this year. But really I just wasn’t feeling it. It seemed to be such a chore. And what goes up has to be taken down. That is more of a drag! So we have a couple of ceramic trees sitting on different side tables, and I had a simple but pretty centerpiece on my table, and a wreath on the door. That was fine for 2020. Enough for me anyway.
I think of all of those decorations that sat in their storage bins this year. Ornaments with years of history behind them. A collection of Santa’s that are normally displayed all over this small home. I was turning my back on them all…and still I have no regrets. Nobody was coming to see us. No kids. No family. And festive was not in my heart this year.
We chose to FaceTime with our three young but now adult kids on Christmas morning- each live in different states from us and each other. We mailed them some gifts to open during the call. Kevin and I wore holiday Pjs for the call. They opened gifts as we watched and we had some laughs. It was fun. All I really wanted at that moment for them to be happy. To feel some connection to the day and to us because being home for Christmas was all they had ever known. But it was also a time for them to be flying off on their own journeys and things were going to change pandemic or not. It is just what happens as you let them go to forge their own paths.
I felt blessed to have this way to connect. Video calling is an amazing gift during this time. I am not sure I am fully comfortable to be seen on video calls but I am getting used to it. Not being able to see my kids in the flesh was disappointing but I know it could be much worse. I know there are many families who were missing someone they lost this year from Covid or other illnesses or accidents. There was no holiday for them only grief.
I think I have been trying to traverse this very hard year as best as I can. I have been creatively clogged. Something I am working on. I like to write about dog’s and my horses. I like to share bits of my thoughts on different topics. But the topics of this past year leave me speechless. What does one say as the world suffers?
I have realized I am not going to solve the worlds problems. It isn’t my job. I write because I like doing it. The best things I have read this year have included things that divert me from the reality that was 2020 and now 2021. And if I have something to say about difficult topics the words may not be enough or be agreed with but they are my words and they will come from my heart.
I have zero idea what to expect for 2021. I know what I hope and pray for. I also know other chaos will trot down the road. It is life. after all. I do wish for you to find joy and peace in each day. I do wish peace for the hearts that are hurting and grieving.
I will say happy New Year- but maybe it should be happier new year. Better new year? Safe new year?
Lets go 2021. Show us your stuff.